Hall Says Keeper Role Open

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall says he's been surprised at how many people apparently think he isn't the man for the keeper role. "I don't even want to play in goal but do it because no one else seems to want to" confessed Hall "looks like I might have to rotate the position a bit more and test the skills of the rest of the team between the sticks". Hall said a few of his throw outs were getting intercepted in Division 1 but he thought that was in part because Rovers players weren't coming to the ball and were standing stationary. "Division 1 is a bit harder than Division 3 and the other teams are much better at intercepting" said Hall "but it is our first season in the big time and we never expected it to be easy so we have to continue to build". Hall said that whilst he was born in Stoke-On-Trent he had never said he was Gordon Banks (pictured). "Everyone knows I support Port Vale and Banksie played for Stoke" indicated Hall "but I'll have another crack in goal tomorrow and then access our options".

Hall Wins Keeper Poll

In a surprisingly close contest, Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall has won an Internet vote as best Rovers keeper. "I do play in goal more than anyone else so I expected a few votes" said Hall "but I know Chopper has legions of fans out there and John Cao has his family connection voting for him". Hall said he'd worked on his game and had picked himself in the role after watching several of the other team members in the role. "I think it was evident as far back as when Charlie Smith was between the sticks that some people don't have the knack for the goalie role" said Hall "so I put myself in there and found out that my huge bulk filled up half the goal before I even moved". Hall said he was looking into getting sponsorship so that he could increase his intake of burgers and chips. "The Bull and Bear does a very reasonable $12 Burger and Chips" said Hall "and I thought we might take them on as a secondary sponsor if the team can go there for a free scoff every Friday".

Smith Abandons Saints

Charlie Smith has finally come to his senses and abandoned his support for the Saints only weeks before the season proper starts. "We wondered when he went over to the dark side whether he had been taking hallucinogenic drugs" said Rovers Manager Hall "but then we realised he must have been to support Pompey in the first place". Smith was understood to have recently caught up with a former Pompey Manager in a Perth pub and saw the error of his ways. "I met this geezer in the pub who knew a lot about football and it turned out he was a former Pompey Manager" said Smith "anyway it was a life changing experience and I've come back to my senses". Some sections of the media are thought to believe this is a cheap publicity stunt but Smith disagrees. "I had to buy that Saints shirt and it wasn't cheap" quipped Smith.

Hall Back

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said the Rovers line up would be the same as last week apart from his own return to the team. "Personally I consider my return strengthens the team but I'm not exactly sure what the rest of the team think" said Hall "but having just completed a management course I feel confident that management by fear is a good technique for short term gains". Hall said he wasn't strictly speaking on a people management course but thought the skills you applied to managing anything probably applied to football as well. "I wouldn't like to extrapolate this view too far" said Hall "as clearly somethings are easier to manage than others and managing a first division indoor football team is obviously right up there as regards difficulty level".

Cao Kid Calls For Poll

John Cao said this evening that whilst he was running a close third in the current best keeper poll, he felt that a poll for 'most handsome player' would be the true test of the teams capabilities. "This is a spectator sport and I want to see a poll on who is the best looking player" said Cao "I've heard my legs are pretty good so I think I'd have a starters chance of winning a poll like that". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall suggested such a poll might be a close run thing. "I know John fancies his chances in this one but I also know George rates himself as the dark horse, so it might be a close one" said Hall "but I know John has a good fan base so he'll probably just get ten votes from his family before we even get into the true voting". Hall said he had no idea what if any polls were coming up but thought if Nash pulled in the Scottish vote he'd be home and hosed.

Fernandes To Move On?

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall congratulated Marketing Manager Heather Fernandes this evening for obtaining a role as a Service Delivery Manager but said he hoped she would be staying on as Rovers Marketing Chief. "We know it is difficult to balance two roles but other management team members are doing their bit to promote the club so I think Heather can stay on to provide us with the odd bit of guidance" said Hall "and besides she likes her bling and this is a blingy sort of club". Hall also confirmed Rovers had yet to receive a single applicant for the long vacant Swedish Masseuse role and were thinking of widening the search to include Danish applicants. "The lads wouldn't know their Swedes from Danes anyway" suggested Hall "and we might even get away with a Norwegian".

Bellies Beat Rovers

Jimmy Five Bellies narrowly eclipsing Zephyr Rovers 6 - 4 today at the Shed of Dreams. "We had a bit of an availability crisis with only five players and this was amplified when Matty did his usual trick of turning up at half time" said acting Manager George Nash (pictured) "but fortunately we got a stand in but unfortunately we were 5 - 1 down by half time". Rovers fought back in the second half and out scored Bellies but the lead proved insurmountable and Rovers crashed to a second loss in Division 1. "It's looking very even though and there is very little between any of the teams" said Nash "so if you can turn out a good line up each week then you're in with a good chance of doing well". Manager Steve Hall said it was a reasonable performance in the circumstances but he thought his managerial input and outstanding goalkeeping skills might have made the difference. "I'm not casting aspersions" said Hall "I'm sure George did the best he could".

Final: Rovers 4 Bellies 6

"Like My Old Pub Team"

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash was unimpressed after watching Wellington Phoenix demolish Sydney FC 3 - 0 on Sunday at the Westpac Stadium. "They looked about as strong as my old pub team" declared Nash "and the theatrics of the Brazilians wouldn't have gone down well in Scotland I can tell you". Nash said he was still thinking of purchasing a season ticket after Terry Serepisos and failed to come forward with the expected box accommodation. "I think the four Brazilians should come down the Shed 1 for a real game" said Nash "but I predict they'll spend more time rolling on the Shed floor than actually playing, clearly indoor is a tougher game and I think Chopper would scare the hell out of them". Nash said he was focusing on the game tomorrow against Jimmy Five Bellies and guaranteed he would still be on his feet at the end.

Boxall Out Injured

Steve Boxall (pictured) announced this morning he was out for four weeks with an injury. "We're not sure how the lad picked up the injury but it is probably something like slipping over whilst filming a TV commercial" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "he probably put the make-up on a bit thick and got a bit unbalanced". Hall said Boxall had managed a few Rovers appearances recently and had appeared to be just finding his form. "We've still got Ben out, Eddie away and myself standing down this week" said Hall "we'll be hoping Nigel Burn stays with the club and even then we might be looking at making a new signing". Hall said players of Division 1 quality were always welcome to contact the club and would be considered for a trial. "We're always on the look out for a Ronaldinho but we'll settle for a player with a good track record" said Hall.

Hall Out Nash In

Zephyr Manager Steve Hall (pictured) confirmed today he was out of the match against Jimmy Five Bellies on Wednesday as he was sitting management exams. "I thought as Manager of Rovers I should sit a management qualification and as bad luck would have it the exam is during a Rovers match" said Hall "but I've been passing a few skills on to George so he can act for me on the day". The first decision for Nash is who to put in goal against the Bellies who cracked in twenty goals in an earlier game. "I'm hoping Ben White will go between the sticks as he can't play outfield just yet" said Nash "but I'm quite confident we can win this one as I think we're gaining momentum". Nash watched Phoenix today for some pointers and they impressively beat Sydney FC by three goals to nil. "We haven't got any Brazilians" said Nash "but fortunately we've got me".

Chopper Toughest

"Chopper" Colin McIntosh has comfortably won a internet poll for the toughest tackler in the Rovers team in the last match. "I think Chopper has built up quite a reputation in Division 1" said Zephyr Manager Steve Hall "but it is a bit of a surprise to have a forward winning the toughest tackler poll". Chopper cleaned up the poll with 54% of the vote and it was a long way back to George Nash on 22%. "The best actual defender only got 9% of the vote and that was Nigel Burn" said Hall "and you have to wonder what the voters were thinking as Nigel had a great game and looked pretty good to me". Hall said he wasn't tempted to pull McIntosh back into a permanent back two roll. "Col is a very handy forward and he scores some cracker goals" said Hall "I've seen him crack them in from the corner flag so he doesn't make it easy for the opposition to contain him". McIntosh said he was flattered by the poll win but disappointed it didn't come with a cheque for winning.

Phoenix For Nash

Zephyr Chairman George Nash confirmed this afternoon he would be attending the match at Westpac Stadium between Wellington Phoenix and Sydney. "I like to keep an open mind about what we can learn from other codes and these guys are the best outdoor team around" said Nash "but I'm a little surprised Terry Serepisos hasn't yet sent out my invitation for his corporate box". Nash indicated that Serepisos would be certain to be given a prime seat at any Rovers game he chose to attend. "I can tell Terry now through the media that if he ever comes down to the Shed Of Dreams we will be sure to put him in our Corporate box" said Nash "it doubles as the changing room but you can't have everything". Nash said he hoped to pick up a few pointers from the Phoenix organisation and said Rovers would entertain a player exchange if the proposition was ever put. "We'd look at training with the Phoenix if they asked but obviously you need closer ball skills in indoor so I'm not sure how they'd go inside Shed 1" said Nash.

"Rovers Good Value"

Zephyr Rovers Supporters Club President Liz Pollock said today that the first home game of the Wellington professional football team the Phoenix on Sunday was a good chance to poach some of the Phoenix supporters and convert them to the "good value" provided by Rovers and indoor football. "Obviously the stadium holds a few more potentially than Shed 1" confessed Pollock "but we can assure those from yellow fever and the like that there is still plenty of room in the Shed of Dreams during Rovers matches so supporting both the best outdoor and indoor team in Wellington is still quite achievable". Pollock admitted that Rovers hadn't actually sold season tickets but that was in part because entry to Shed 1 was free and therefore it was difficult to extract cash from attendees. "I think Rovers represent very good value as you won't be paying the ten dollars that Phoenix will sting you this weekend" indicated Pollock "and most people know that silver fever is more lucrative that yellow fever".

Nash Denies Link With Raids

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash tonight emphatically denied any link to the Police raid on Glasgow Rangers Football Club. "The media seem to be obsessed with the fact that the police have been talking to Rangers and Pompey" said Nash "and have made the obvious link with Zephyr Rovers as Charlie supports Pompey and I support Rangers". Nash said he was not expecting to be spoken to by the long arm of the law although said he could never be too sure about whether Perth Police would be interested in Charlie Smith. "Obviously Charlie is a bit of a character and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he has been doing dodgy deals to get players to go to Pompey" said Nash "after all he looked a bit angry after losing that bet recently". Nash said he'd not heard of Chris Riddle was the mystery man behind an offer to buy Southampton. "We're trying to get someone to buy Rovers for $10 million but so far we've not identified a purchaser" said Nash "but I expect buying the Saints wouldn't cost quite as much".

Chopper Legend Grows

Chopper McIntosh furthered his legend yesterday when he had a run in with the Wellington Indoor Centre manager who was playing for the opposition. "The Whites team was taking liberties on the corners and Chopper quite rightly pointed this out" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but the opposition took it as further evidence that Chopper was living up to his reputation as a difficult proposition". Rovers if anything were more disciplined than the opposition and apart from a heated exchange between Zephyr Chairman George Nash and Manager Steve Hall the game was reasonably uneventful. "George gave me some advice on my distribution skills" said Hall "and I gave him some advice on what I thought of his advice". Hall said he favoured the frank exchange of ideas in the club and felt you might as well get it all out as bottle it all up. "We could never be accused of being a team that lacked an opinion" said Hall "this is not a game for the faint hearted".

Rovers Go Top

Zephyr Rovers Toppled leaders Whites today to go top of Division 1 for another week. "We obviously were a bit unsettled by their 20 - 3 score the week before and the fact they were the only unbeaten team" said Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) "but the lads produced a much improved performance and we played pretty well today". Hall said the game was finally balanced in the first half with a slender 3 - 2 lead to Rovers at half time. "We started the second half pretty well and got out to a 5 - 2 lead before we started to look a bit stretched in the middle of the second half" said Hall "suddenly it was back at 5 - 5 with a few minutes to go and we had to go out and win it all over again". Hall said Nigel Burn slotted the winner and had a Ben White look about him in general play. "I think with Ben still struggling for fitness that Nigel certainly firmed up the defence" said Hall "and if we get Ben back and keep Nigel then we'll be cooking with gas".

Final: Rovers 6 Whites 5

Petersen Poster Boy

Former Rovers player Jordan Petersen has acknowledged that his fledgling modelling career has taken a dive since he left Rovers and he has approached the club to give him some publicity to launch a new hair gel product. "He approached me at the Occidental on Friday night and said he had a few ideas about a Zephyr hair gel product line " said Zephyr Manager Steve Hall "but understandably most of our supporters are in the wrong demographic for that sort of thing so we said we'd give him a helping hand to go it alone". Hall said the gel apparently made your hair stick up which was apparently an attractive look in the 19 - 21 market segment that Petersen was chasing. "I'm more looking for a hair restorer at my age" said Hall "but I guess if you still have a lot of it you've always got people who will want to do strange things with it". Hall said he had no immediate plans to give Petersen a run in Division 1 as "his hair might get in the way".

Rovers play Whites tomorrow at the Shed of Dreams.

"I'm No John Smeaton"

George Nash confessed today he didn't see himself as a local John Smeaton, the Glasgow airport baggage handler who has become a Scottish hero after dealing to would be terrorist attack. "Clearly he is a hard man and so am I" said Nash "but I'm better looking than him and I'm better at football". Nash said that they breed them tough in Glasgow and he was certain that Smeaton would be a Rangers fan although who Smeaton supports is not publicly known. "I'd like to think that if someone tried to blow up Shed 1 then I'd be down there doing the decent thing and drop kicking them into the harbour" said Nash "it would be a bit tricky otherwise playing indoor with the roof blown off". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was reassuring that Nash would be saving Shed 1 in the event of an attack as "it would give the rest of the team time to run away".

Chopper Chopped

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall has admitted this evening that his key enforcer Colin "Chopper" McIntosh was nursing an injury and was in doubt for the clash on Monday against Whites. "The lad's been a bit of a marked man since his name got into the media as our hard man" said Hall "he got targeted a bit by Ten Left Feet and he's now nursing an ankle injury". Hall said that he'd expect George Nash to step up into the enforcer role. "Everyone in the world knows that if you have a Scotsman in your side he is meant to be the enforcer" said Hall "so it's about time George stepped up and showed some of those national traits". Hall said Rovers training had not been impacted at all by the two weeks of adverse weather in Wellington. "The boys have been conditioning a bit and it's wise to stay out of the cold at this point in the season" confided Hall.

Whites

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash said next opponents Whites wouldn't be putting the fear of God into Rovers after they thrashed Mercer this week by eighteen goals. "We got beaten by Mercer and Whites thrashed them 20 - 3" said Nash "but we're not planning anything special for the match on Monday other than to find four huge defenders for the match". Nash said it was incredible that two teams had already scored twenty after only two rounds but the first team to do it actually lost their next game. "I think it shows it is all on the day in this league so you don't need to be petrified by another teams previous result" assessed Nash "and we're changing the line up from last week to see if we can do a little better at the back". Nash said all the defence in the world would be no good if Rovers couldn't score more than four goals. "The other thing about Div 1 is we need to play well to score more" said Nash "so we have a few things to think about before Monday".

Below Par (But It's Not Golf)

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) admitted this evening that Rovers had been a little below par in their match against Ten Left Feet, a team they'd previously beaten two seasons ago in a final. "We didn't look too flash after not playing for two weeks and although we started quite well and were 1 - 0 up for quite a while" said Hall "then the marking fell apart and they ruthlessly took advantage of it by taking the chances they got". Hall said the failure to maintain the two full back positions left him exposed in goal. "I think we can lift it another level but we'll have to lift if at least three as on Monday we play a team that scored twenty in their last match and is currently top". Hall said Rovers could be competitive but it wasn't going to be an easy road at this level. "We've certainly got our work cut out and Ben didn't play in the end today but would have been handy in the full back berth" advised Hall "but at least it was the opposition getting warned over their dodgy tackles and not us".

Final: Rovers 4 Ten Left Feet 9

White Out?

Ben White has been included in the squad of seven for the match tomorrow but at this stage is only been officially been considered as a goalkeeper. "I'm not able to confirm or deny that Ben is being considered for an outfield role" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but obviously some time in the coming weeks he just might reappear in his right back role". Hall said it had been some time since White had been in the line up and he didn't want to rush the player back in before he was ready. "This is Division 1 so we could certainly use Ben's defensive and finishing skills" said Hall "after all by his own admission he is the star of the team and will want to show he has it at the highest level". Hall said he was confident the team would rise to the Division 1 standard and have played Ten Left Feet before. "I think we beat them last time we met so they'll be the ones who have something to prove". said Hall.

Chopper To Tone It Down

"Chopper" Colin McIntosh (pictured) has confirmed he will tone down his act for the Division 1 clash against Ten Left Feet at the Shed of Dreams on Wednesday. "I've been getting a bit of stick for my uncompromising style" said McIntosh "but I want to be seen as a player of genuine skill not just someone who chops the opposition down at the knees". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said the team had always had a bit of a reputation for not backing and founding members Smith and Riddle were frequent visitors to the sideline. "I don't think we want to turn into pussycats" said Hall "but we need five on the park to stand a chance in Division 1 so sin bins will need to be kept to a minimum". Hall confirmed Chopper has been selected for the squad and he'd give him no special instructions for the match.

Smith Recovering

Australian Recruitment Agent Charlie Smith was reportedly recovering today from wearing a Southampton shirt for a day. "It's hard to imagine what it must have been like for him" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Hall "I heard he was taking medication for trauma and had been told by the Doc to drink lots of Bovril". Hall said the Saints had thankfully for Smith remained in the Championship otherwise he would undoubtedly be making some crazy bet about Pompey beating them about ten goals. "You have to question whether he will learn from all of this" said Hall "and I'm afraid to say the photographs that weren't published were not for a family audience". Hall predicted Pompey and Southampton would be in the same league soon enough but declined to suggest which league it would be.

Worst Day Of His Life

Charles Smith today said yesterday was the worst day of his life as he was forced to wear a Southampton shirt for the day after losing a bet with the brother of Chris Riddle. "I bet Pompey would finish higher in the Premier League than Scum" said a depressed Smith from his home in Western Australia "and of course I lost and had to wear this horrible shirt for a day that was made of some sort of cheap fabric". Smith said he had learned his lesson about betting on long shots and was hoping that Pompey fans wouldn't abandon him over the incident. "I'm worried I'll be banned from the local Perth Pompey supporters club" said Smith "it is the worst sin in the book to wear a scum shirt but I want everyone to know I didn't enjoy one second of it". Smith will no doubt make the same bet again next season so can look forward to ,more pain this time next year.

Smith Turns

Zephyr Rovers Australian Recruitment agent Charles Smith appears to have given up his life long support of Pompey and gone over to arch enemy Southampton. "We were surprised when these picture arrived and contained evidence that Charlie had gone over to the dark side" said Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but it does look like he has taken up support for the team he previously referred to as The Scum". Hall said experts had examined the photographs and declared they were genuine. "We're absolutely certain that these have not been produced in Photoshop" said Rovers Manager Hall "it looks like Smith has genuinely had a change of heart and abandoned his support for Pompey". Smith could not be contacted for comment.

Natelli Likes Candy

Former Rovers player Alex Natelli confessed this evening that his Division 9 club Toitu Te Whenua was chasing the signing of Craig Candy (pictured). "We just avoided finishing last in Division 8 last season and we think Craig would be good for our side" said Natelli "we're now in Division 9 and have started with a bang this season with a first up win". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said that Toitu Te Whenua could chase who they liked in his squad and if players wanted to go down to Division 9 then they probably weren't the right stuff. "I looked at one of their game recently and it's fair to say we aren't chasing any of their squad" said Hall "but I'm sure we'll hear if they acquire anyone with Division 1 qualities". Hall said every team had to start somewhere and Toitu Te Whenua should perhaps formulate a vision to be in Division 8 within ten years".

Jimmy Five Bellies

Jimmy Five Bellies went to the head of Division 1 today with an ominous 20 - 2 thrashing of Infinity. "I don't know the make up of the Infinity line up these days" said Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) "but they used to be a very strong side and it is hard to see how anyone put twenty goals past them". Rovers have never scored twenty goals in a game and statisticians might have to look over a few seasons results to find a time when this has happened in any league. "It looks disturbingly like these Five Bellies guys are pretty useful" said Hall "and we're only about three weeks away from playing them". Hall confirmed he was unavailable for the Five Bellies match and identifying a keeper for the match might have to be a priority. "I'm doing a management exam that day so I'll have to be thinking of the longer term future" said Hall "and I'll be hoping the team does better than Infinity". Rovers currently sit fourth after winning the opening match by default.

Big Splash Unlikely

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash confessed this afternoon that Rovers didn't yet have the resources to splash out on players to bolster their Division 1 squad. "I've heard we've been linked with Rupert Ryan recently by the media" said Nash "but obviously I can neither confirm nor deny whether we're speaking to the lad". Rovers are rumoured to have limited funds to transfer players into the squad but have confirmed that a quality Division 1 standard player could force themselves into the squad. "We're not averse to being approached by a top quality player" said Nash "but the manager has also stated he is staying loyal to his current squad unless we get a huge beating". Zephyr Manager Steve Hall was unavailable for comment but is known to be looking at whether his squad could be bolstered by an additional squad member. "We're not expecting to make a big splash unless Charlie comes back and falls in the harbour" suggested Nash.

Cao Down In Bar

John Cao (pictured) today confirmed rumours that he had proposed to his partner Iona on Saturday. "I was going to go full out for the romantic angle in a hot air balloon in the Wairapapa" said Cao "but the weather was crap so I got down on one knee in a local bar". Rovers Chairman George Nash who himself has been on his knees in bars, said the Rovers club wished the couple all the best. "It's not known by everyone that Iona is the only female player ever to make an appearance for Rovers in a match" said Nash "and just quietly we were so impressed we almost dropped John on the spot and signed her up". Nash said he expected a performance dip from Cao for a few weeks after he formally got hitched but thought that it was something he'd eventually recover from. "My advice to him is to get the right balance between football and the rest of his life" said Nash "I'm sure he'll find that putting football first is rewarding".

Premier League

Former Rovers Player and Australian Recruitment agent Charlie Smith (pictured) called today for the Wellington Indoor Division 1 league to be renamed the Premier League. "No one call the top league Division 1 any more and I think the league should get a bit progressive" said Smith from his home in Perth "and then they could rename Division 2 to Division 1, which would make those guys feel better". Zephyr Chairman George Nash said the idea had merit and it was one the Scots had embraced years ago. "My club Rangers are in a premier league with Celtic and a few other teams I don't recall the name of" said Nash " and frankly I don't see why Indoor Sports shouldn't revisit the branding of the league and provide some decent prize money".

Smith also confirmed he'd being looking at talent in Perth but had yet to come up with a recommendation for Rovers. "The trouble is" said Smith "I've been looking at talent but the talent hasn't been looking at me".