Big Sam Not In Plans

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash said this evening that he wasn't behind Big Sam's departure from Bolton. "I've built a perfectly good working relationship with Rovers Manager Steve Hall" said Nash "and beside Big Sam (pictured) has had a few question marks about him since that Panorama programme". Nash said that whilst Rovers wouldn't say no to an appearance on Close Up or Sunday, he thought that there would be a shortage of offers for 'bungs' at Rovers to attract a top class manager. "You don't see the level of bungs at this club that a top flight manager would expect" said Nash "although we wouldn't be averse to taking the odd backhander if some kind billionaire wanted to off load a bit of loose change". Nash said the coverage of indoor by Television New Zealand was scandalous. "I don't think we've been on TV once" said Nash "but the Horowhenua under ten rugby reserves have been on Heartland rugby about five times".

Going To The Zoo

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash today confessed that he and Eddie Hussey spent a nice afternoon at the zoo today. "I thought I'd spend a bit of quality time with the monkeys" said Nash "and I ran into Eddie who was apparently up there looking for a date". Nash said it was important as the Chairman of a successful indoor club to get away from the pressures of indoor football. "I know you can see Newtown Park from the Zoo and that Team Wellington have their after match functions there" said Nash "but for me it was a break from the demanding life as Chairman of Rovers". Nash said he doubted Rovers would take the Team Wellington lead and have their after match functions at the zoo. "The Black Harp gets a bit like a zoo at times" said Nash "but it has the advantage over the real zoo of being between the Shed of Dreams and work".

Zephyr Celtic

Zephyr FC Marketing Manager Heather Fernandes (pictured) proposed today that Zephyr Rovers change their name to Celtic for the match against Rothenbury Rangers. "I think we could sell a few tickets to the local Scots community for a Celtic versus Rangers match" said Fernandes "and I've heard their is a team in town that is wearing the Celtic hoops, so we could borrow the shirts for a day". Chairman George Nash said it was a stupid idea. "There is no way on Earth that anyone is getting me into a Celtic uniform" said Nash "I mean to say I even feel uncomfortable when I'm in the same stadium as a Celtic shirt". Nash said it was bad enough that the opposition was called Rangers, but it would be ten time worse if Rovers changed to Celtic.

Rovers Ready For Rothenbury Rangers

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said that Rovers would ready for Rothenbury Rangers when they played the third placed team next Wednesday at the Shed of Dreams. "I know George (pictured) is getting quite excited that we are playing a team called Rangers" said Hall "I think he'll go into spasms if it turns out they wear blue but I'll just sub him if that happens". Hall said Rangers were looking like a top four team but had drawn with Solnet in their last game. "There are no easy games in this league" said Hall "and this has to be one of the tougher matches we'll face". Hall said the long lay off with only one game in April hadn't been the best but the season was back on again with regular fixtures through to the semi-final now. "We're almost in the top four now but we don't want to coast to the line as we want to maintain our form" sad Hall.

Alan Ball - RIP

England Football legend Alan Ball died yesterday aged 61. Former Zephyr Rover Charles Smith had this to say about Ball. "Alan Ball was Pompey manager from 1984-89, and was the 1st manager I can remember at Pompey" said Smith "he got them promoted to the old 1st division in 1987 and was a huge favourite of the Fratton Park faithfull and that says something as he was a former Southampton player and later their manager" Ball was the youngest player of the 1966 World Cup final winning team and was player of the match in the final. Ball was capped 72 times by England.

It's Not Cricket

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this morning that he didn't get up and watch the cricket semi-final this morning, as New Zealand crashed out of the World Cup. "I knew the cricket was on and had a peak at the channel for a minute or so, in which time New Zealand lost five wickets" said Hall "but otherwise I was busy watching Kaka (pictured) and Ronaldo slug it out in the Champions League". Hall said as a manager he had to keep up with as much football as he could. "If you want to be at the cutting edge of football management like myself" said Hall "you've got to watch as much football as you can on the tele". Hall said he might be able to take a few pointers from cricket. "They seem to have a better quality of sledging in cricket" said Hall "just that little bit cleverer than the sort of thing Charlie Smith used to scream out that involved various body parts".

Hussey Staying Put

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today he'd heard nothing of a possible transfer of Eddie Hussey to the Phoenix FC. "I imagine the marketing boys over at Phoenix thought they'd hire Eddie in some capacity to bring in more female punters" said Hall "he's been consistently popular with Internet blog viewers ever since he did that topless photo a while back, and we regularly get Irish viewers to our web site". Hall said he'd be putting a transfer fee on Hussey that Phoenix were likely to baulk at. "The lads going nowhere as far as I'm concerned" said Hall "in fact we'd be happy to buy another Hussey or two if we could get our hands on them". Hall said with a holiday tomorrow he might get out and about looking for a Hussey or two but not until the Champions League had finsihed on the tele.

"We'll Look At Brazilians"

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall today confessed he was thinking of following suit with the Phoenix Manager Rikki Herbert. Herbert (pictured) arrives in Wellington this week and is reportedly looking at South Americans for the newly formed Phoenix A-League franchise. "I think a couple of Brazilians might work in our team" said Hall "I hear a Brazilian goes well with a kilt". Hall said Rovers was an innovative club and had been willing in the past to take risks with playing membership. "Many managers wouldn't take a punt on a Scottish goalkeeper" said Hall "but I didn't hesitate to put George in goal during that last match because I don't believe in stereotypes". Hall said he thought Nash would need to stay well clear of Brazilians himself though adding "we might let him shave his legs if he's lucky".

Kilted Rangers?

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash (pictured) said tonight he'd like Rovers to change their name to Rangers and wear a blue shirt. "George usually comes up with this one after a few pints on a Saturday Night" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "in fact if he had his way we'd be playing in kilts". Hall said that the Rovers name had stuck now and it was in any case on the new shirts. "We haven't actually got the shirts yet because the dude from Rebel who is getting them for us doesn't return my calls" said Hall "but we don't have a game this week so hopefully we'll get them before the end of the round". Hall said whilst another week off was not ideal, it would give the team extra time to do some conditioning work.

Satisfaction Survey Released

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he wes pleased with the results of the recent team satisfaction survey. "Once the players realised the survey wasn't really anonymous and they would be dropped if they gave negative feedback about management" said Hall "we anticpated positive findings and that is just what we got". Hall said a good team morale was an important part of the culture change required in the "Great to Brilliant" team restructure. "We've won a few on the trot now so obviously we're doing something right" said Hall "I'm starting to wonder if we set our sights high enough with only wanting to be brilliant". Hall said he was always on the look out for new managment trends to foist upon the unsuspecting team. "We thought we'd take a look at Lominger competencies" said Hall "but we can't find the competency for ball skills in the book yet so we're taking a cautious approach".

Salary Cap Unchanged

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) said today that he was restricted by the current salary cap in recognising the performances of his players. "We don't set the salary cap" said Hall "it is set by the fact that we don't have any money to spend on players outside of match fee sponsorship". Hall appealed to Terry Serepisos to donate a few spare million to the club as this would undoubtedly help meet the vision of being the best indoor team in Wellington by 2030. "I'm philosophical" said Hall "as we go higher up the leagues we'll draw more attention from the Auckland based media and before you know it we'll be appearing on TV1". Hall confessed that coverage of football by TV1 was abysmal and you needed to start a football riot to get ten seconds after the weather. "We'll pick up a few pointers from Chris Riddle on the riot stuff" said Hall "he's based in South Auckland these days and knows how to look after himself".

"I Know I'm Good" Says White

Ben White today expressed disappointment that he didn't get the media exposure he deserved for his role in Rovers winning run that has now extended to four Division 3 matches. "I know I'm good" said White "and the media didn't even mention that I scored the first two goals in the win on Wednesday". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall responded immediately by saying that White's value to the squad was recognised by team management. "Ben and Eddie form a very strong defensive unit and the opposition find it hard to break us down" said Hall "and Ben makes those mazy runs up the pitch and scores his fair share of goals". Hall said he was somewhat restrained by the salary cap in recognising White's performance but said he would look at doubling White's match fee. "He pays the usual $7 at the moment" said Hall "but if he wants to have his bigger contribution noted, he could pay $14".

Escape To Victory

Zephyr Rovers were today 3 - 0 down against Datacom after about five minutes of the second half. "It was looking grim as we'd had the better of the first half and went in at half time losing 2 - 0" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and then they scored a third and it looked like a tough ask to get back in it". Hall said getting the first goal gave the Rovers a boost and after a second goal the Datacom heads went down a bit. "With four minutes to go we still had a bit of work to do and I'd missed a few opportunities to level it" said Hall "but then they made a defensive error and I put us level". Hall said the next few minutes were tight and then Colin McIntosh came up with the winner with a minute to go. "I immediately headed for the goalkeeper position and the boys did a brilliant job of marking them out of it" said Hall "they didn't get over half way to have a shot in that last minute". Rovers great escape leaves the club on top of the league and well placed to qualify for the top four. "We showed great team spirit today even if we didn't play as well as we can" said Hall "it was a satisfying performance"

Final Score: Rovers 4 Datacom 3

Auer: What Global Warming?

Zephyr Rovers player Andy Auer today said he as sceptical of recent reports of global warming impacting on Shed 1. "Where is the evidence that the Shed is any hotter than it used to be" said Auer "I think this all stems from sporadic reports of players claiming it is as hot as hell in there, but we can't take that as empirical evidence". Auer has made himself unavailable for tomorrow's game against Datacom at the Shed as the media were hounding him over his comments. Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he hadn't personally noticed the impact of global warming on the Shed. "If the tide comes up a few feet it is going to make the games interesting as the Shed is surrounded by the sea on three sides" said Hall "we'll have to sharpen up on our water polo skills". Hall said the Indoor Centre has lost several balls into the ocean recently and had been unable to retrieve them. "There are apparently a few balls in the harbour we could practice with before the global warming hits the Shed" said Hall "we're a forward thinking club so we might have to train in the harbour one day and see how we go".

Caoed

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this morning that he would be without John Cao for this weeks fourth round tie against Datacom at the Shed of Dreams. "The lad seems to think that a week in Fiji would be better for him than a game of footy for Rovers " said Hall "and whilst I'm not knocking Fiji, he might have considered going there during the off-season". Hall said he hoped Cao would come back refreshed as Rovers had a log jam of fixtures in May after having a quiet April. "We finish the league with two games in three days, but hopefully we'll have qualified by that point" said Hall "we're certainly looking like a top four side at the moment and we'll be competitive again this week I'm sure".

Pay To View

Zephyr FC Chairman George Nash (pictured) today proposed that the Zephyr FC blog become pay to view. "We're a small club and if we charged $1 a view we might have earned over $6000 by now" said Nash "and besides we could feature content that would sell if we were to go out on a subscription basis". Rovers Manager Steve Hall didn't think the idea would fly because Rovers owed it to the fans to inform them of what was going on at the club. "This isn't Glasgow Rangers where they charged you to look at the advertisements" said Hall "we're more like Wimbledon AFC than the Milton Keynes Dons". Hall said that while Rovers had put provocative pictures on the site like Eddie's chest, he didn't think a shot of the Chairman in full flight down the wing would bring in many punters.

Director Loses Way

Zephyr FC Director of Football Nikki File said today that she didn't feel she was directing much football lately and wondered if she was the forgotten women of Rovers football. "Nikki shouldn't be too worried" said Rovers Chairman George Nash "the Director of Football at any club generally does nothing". Nash said the club had to have a Director Of Football because it sounded like the sort of position a forward thinking club should have. Nash was pressed to explain the duties might perform in the role. "I think Nikki could buy the Chairman and Manager a beer now and then" said Nash "I understand the position entails making sure the Chairman and Manager get on okay.

Black Friday

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall today suggested his players lie low and stay away from black cats. "I'm not superstitious at all" said Hall "but there's no point tempting fate so I'll be asking the team to follow a number of good luck rituals today to ward off the possible consequences of the day". Hall said with the next game approaching against Datacom, he didn't want Ben White to bend over a black cat and become Ben Black. "You never know where this could lead" said Hall "I don't want to get a call on Saturday morning to say that Eddie has become Eddie Pussy"

"We have to be sensible about this sort of thing" said Hall "so I've asked the boys to avoid broom sticks and guys called Freddie".

Hall Congratulates Manyoo

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall congratulated fellow Manager Alex Ferguson on the performance of his Manchester Uniter team in winning 7 - 1 yesterday. Haall said he'd analysed the tapes of Manchester United versus Roma and thought that the lessons learnt from the match were it was handy if you scored seven goals in a big match. "I think we can apply this to our own game " said Hall "I'd be more than happy with a 7 -1 win at indoor, never mind outdoor". Hall said he thought that Cristiano Ronaldo (pictured) was probably the best player in the world at the moment and he could see no similarities between his own game and that of Ronaldo. "I could teach him a thing or two about pacing yourself" said Hall "he seems to go at full speed all the time". Hall said there was something to be said for running at defenders. "I think Ben White fancies himself as a dribbler" said Hall "and I've heard he dribbles as much after the game in the bar as he does during the match".

Rovers Go Top

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash was tonight celebrating the club going top of the table at an exclusive Napier retreat. "We didn't actually play but we went top by fronting up with the administration fee which automatically bags a team ten competition points" said Nash "and this moved us from nine to nineteen points to go top of the league". Nash celebrated with a few quiet chardonnays at an undisclosed vineyard and said even in his visions for the club, he hadn't expected to lead Division Three so early in the clubs history. "Steve Hall told me when I came on board it was the vision to be top team by 30 June 2030" said Nash "and since I arrived we've jumped four divisions and are still top of the league". Nash said modestly that others had done there bit to assist but 95% of the credit was his.

Pollock Wants More Goals

Zephyr Rovers Supporters Club President Liz Pollock said today she was looking for more goals from Rovers. "I thought the boys scored enough in their last match with nine" said Pollock "but being miserly only letting two goals in meant that the game was over as a contest well before the end". Pollock said as a Spurs supporter she was used to big scoring games. "I must admit that a 9 - 8 win would have been more exciting for the supporters" said Pollock "mean Spurs usually win or more often lose 5 - 4, so that's what I'm used to". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Rovers weren't here to give mild titillation to the fans by making games close. "Liz needs to get -a grip, we're not going to be playing like Spurs" said Hall "in fact we'll win 15 - 0 if we get the chance, after all we got done 10 -0 last time we lost and we've not been beaten for seven games since then". Hall said Rovers currently had the tightest defence in the league 11 goals in three games was miserly at this level.

No Controversy Over Logo

Zephyr Rovers Marketing Manager Heather Fernandes said she hoped the new Zephyr logo would not run into the controversy that the Phoenix FC one had recently. The Dominion Post had recently compared the Phoenix logo with a Nazi Party logo. "I have looked at the Rovers logo from every angle including standing on my head" said Fernandes "and I even looked at it after drinking several Kingfishers, and I think we're pretty safe". Fernendes said the new team shirts should arrive before the next match and should soon been seen around the streets of Wellington with fashion conscious men. "I think we've got penetration as a team in this market" said Fernendes "and I can see these being an alternative to the Phoenix shirts as frankly Zephyr is a better name, well according to a survey we did outside Shed 1 last week". Fernandes said she thought once they got a few posters around town with Eddie Hussey wearing the Phoenix shirt, they'd also see a few to young female layers and nurses.

Smith Delighted

Zephyr Rovers Aussie recrutment agent and former player Charlie Smith was heard again in Wellington this morning all the way from Perth as he celebrated Portsmouth's win over Manchester United. "Wouldn't you just know if Manchester United had to fall off the rails it would be with an own goal at Fratton Park" said Zephyr Manager Steve Hall "I'm surprised Charlie wasn't at the ground sending a photo back from the match". Hall said he'd rightly predicted Pompey getting a thrashing in the FA Cup at Old Trafford earlier in the year, but had had an uneasy feeling about this match. "I'm so pleased Charlie has moved to Perth as he would be unbearable if he were still here" said Hall "it will give him something different to think about this week other than cricket and Aussie rules". Hall said he wasn't keen on Chelsea winning the league again so he was hoping Man U would hang in there somehow.

Glasgow Kiss

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash expressed grave concerns today about the entry of a new team in Division 3 called Liverpool Kiss. According to the Urban Dictionary a Liverpool Kiss is an English term for a form of physical attack where the victim is hit on the forehead by the attacker's head, also known as a headbutt. "I'm concerned that a team is allowed to have that name and be in this league" said Nash (pictured) "because it is clear to me that the headbutt originates from Glasgow and should correctly be called the Glasgow kiss". Nash said only Scotsmen knew the correct way to deliver the kiss, and he took umbrage that Liverpool had managed to get themselves associated with the term. "I'll be talking to the manager of the Liverpool Kiss team when we play them about the insensitivity of the name" said Nash "and hopefully they'll see the light before I have to give a demonstration".

Quiet Night

With the long Easter weekend and no game next week, Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash gave the Rovers players and management team the weekend off and told them to go and enjoy themselves. Nash himself had a few quiets at his Churton Park mansion. "It's at times like this one likes to kick back and enjoy the odd bottle of scotch" said Nash "it's a tradition I brought with me from Scotland where we used to distill the barley malt in a pot still". Nash said that whilst the resulting concoction was quite pleasing on the palette, it did have the impact of making some drinkers rather intoxicated. "I wouldn't recommend it for an amateur drinker like Charlie Smith" said Nash "but it's perfectly okay for a seasoned drinker like myself". Nash said he understood Smith was currently trying our weak Aussie beers in Perth as "they were the only kind you could get there".

No Link To Teddy

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this afternoon that Zephyr Rovers were currently one of the few clubs in Australasia not linked with signing Teddy Sheringham. "Charlie got in touch from Perth and said that there were rumours Perth were looking at Sheringham and Danny Hay" confessed Hall "which was funny because exactly the same rumour has been going around Wellington in relation to the Phoenix club". Hall said Sheringham was a bit on the young side for a Rovers striker and John Cao was already filling the youth development striker slot for the club. "I think if Teddy is interested in a couple of years we''ll take a look at him" said Hall "but he'll have to do a bit of indoor work as it's a different game inside the Shed of Dreams cauldron". Hall said Sheringham would do well to model his indoor game on Colin McIntosh. "Col is an evergreen and Teddy has still got a few raw edges to his game" said Hall "but a spell with Wellington Phoenix could see his game mature".

New Club Badge Launched

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash officially launched the new team badge today. "We're expecting to get the new shirt by the next game, and this will be going on the new silver and black shirts" said Nash "personally I think it looks superb and it gives the sponsor a bit of a plug as well". Nash said the club was increasingly taking a professional approach to the management of the club with the ultimate aim of becoming the first professional indoor team in Wellington."I think Terry Serepiso will be wanting to take a look at the Rovers and could buy a half share of the club for a million bucks" said Nash "that sort of money would allow Rovers to pay my normal hourly rate for a season and have a couple of thousand left over to buy a new player". Nash said Rovers were going places but he couldn't comment at this stage where those places were.

Hall Says Hold Fire

Zephyr FC Manager Steve Hall today advised Chairman George Nash to hold fire on plans to enter Zephyr Rovers in a professional indoor league that he intended to establish. "I think George is going way too fast here due to his youthful exuberance" says Hall "we need to win Division 3 and then set about becoming the best indoor football team in Wellington by 30 June 2030". Hall admitted Rovers were ahead of schedule in being the top of Division 3 (not counting bonus points for paying subs) but said that a steady building process would be the way to future glory. "Obviously we're on a tight budget compared to a professional club" said Hall "I mean my goalkeeping alone is worth a few bucks, I wouldn't like to put a figure on it". Hall said Zephyr Rovers was going along nicely without talk of paying players to pay. "I think George is getting carried away with that last goal he scored" suggested Hall.

Game of Two Halves

Zephyr FC struggled today in the first half of the match against the G Shots at Shed 6. "I thought we didn't really fire in the first half although we had the territorial advantage" said Zephyr fullback Ben White "we seemed to lack a bit of structure and gave a way a couple of easy goals whilst firing a fair few shots wide ourselves". At half time a team talk sorted out the positional issues and it was a changed team that came out in the second half. "The second half was a really solid performance "said White "we never gave them look in and got seven unanswered goals to coast away with it".

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was pleasing the way it all came together in the second half. "I didn't think we were convincing in that first half and realistically we could have gone in a couple down, albeit against the run of play" said Hall "but the marking was superb in that second half and we gave the G Shots no chance to hit the G Spot". Hall said he thought on second half form they'd be a handful for anyone in the league. "I remember Col (pictured) scored a ripper goal at one point, and there was some good passing and team work going on" said Hall "but we've got harder games to come yet so we've got to continue to work at it".

Final: Rovers 9 G Shots 2

Raf For Rovers

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this morning he'd signed Raf De Gregorio from Team Wellington, ahead of what was expected to be a Team Wellington clean out. "I've was talking to Raf's agent this morning and he told me Raf was looking forward to signing for Rovers, he'd heard the club was going places" said Hall "I expect he'll work well with Craig Candy who is on debut for us tomorrow against the G Shots". Hall said he didn't know much about the G Shots but said he hadn't confused them with the G Spots. "I know where the G Spot is" said Hall "it's that circle I have to stay in when I play in goal". Hall later confessed that signing Raf De Gregario was in fact an April Fool stunt, although Raf was welcome to contact him for a game if he was no longer injured. "We'd be happy to have Raf on board" said Hall "but for now we're pleased to have Craig Candy make his debut for us tomorrow against the G Spots as I'm told he oozes class, which is better than what some of the other squad members ooze".