Mystery Matt In Doubt

"Mystery" Matt Cantwell may yet again be unavailable for the fixture against Jinny Five Bellies. "He's missed the last two games because of other commitments and we've been going ok" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "he's a wizard on the ball but he's not exactly a legend in the passing the ball stakes". Cantwell was last reported to have passed in 1973 when he mistook a fellow player for the goal. "Apparently he last passed the ball when he spun through eight defenders and got dizzy mistaking one of his own players for the goal" said Hall "and even then he managed to get the ball straight back from the startled player". Hall said after many years of playing with Cantwell he'd learnt to get extra exercise by picking the ball out of the net after he scored. Hall said Cantwell had thought about passing the ball to him once for a tap in but had "decided to beat ten defenders and circle the referee himself instead".