Boot Camp For Nash

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall admitted this afternoon he was putting George Nash (pictured) through football boot camp to sharpen his fitness. "George is looking a bit sluggish so I've got him doing extra training with North Wellington and today I've got him playing an outdoor match as well" said Hall "he'll find it a bit strange with no walls and a pitch that is five times as big but I'm sure he'll sweat it out". Hall said he thought Nash was starting to show the benefits of the tougher regime. "I understand he is fitting into kilts that he hasn't got into for years" said Hall "although I must point out I'm not into that cross-dressing thing myself and we won't allow it on the team bus". Hall said Rovers had no intention of replacing shorts with tartan dresses.

When The Going Gets Tough

Zephyr Rover Manager Steve Hall admitted after this weeks loss he felt something like the All Black Manager after the World Cup. "I think I know what Graham Henry felt like when the All Blacks lost at the World Cup" said Hall "but I firmly believe when the going gets tough the tough go to golf". Hall will spend tomorrow recuperating at the Wainui Golf Club as part of a football fund raiser. "I'm not a huge fan of golf or rugby for that matter" said Hall "but I'm sure Graham Henry has the odd round so I figured if it was good enough for him then it was good enough for me".
Hall said some people got a bit excited about rugby and golf but he wasn't sure what the attraction. "I have friends who go nutty over the rugby" said Hall "but I don't think they've experienced the adrenalin rush of a real sport like indoor football, I think they'd see how dull rugby is then".

Outclassed

Don Logan FC provided Rovers a lesson in football this afternoon at the Shed of Dreams as they overpowered Rovers 9 - 4 after leading narrowly at half time. "We were a bit disjointed going in to the game with John and George out, Matty not expected to turn up and Pete injured" said Hall "but it was no excuse as we just didn't fire against a team that did". Hall said Rovers played at a level that probably would have got them home against the lower ranked teams but didn't lift the cog or two needed to play the top teams. "Don Logan FC converted half chances and moved well off the ball" said Hall "but we never adjusted and I'm convinced next time we play them we can lift our game knowing what is in store". Nonetheless Rovers had their chances and several fell to a Rob Purcell who wasn't 100% after his return from the northern hemisphere. "I won't say Rob should have scored ten, but maybe six was realistic" said Hall "and Matty seemed to defending more than attacking which probably isn't the best way to get the most out of his abilities".

Hall said he thought the top Division Two teams were as good as Division 1 teams so it wasn't a walk in the park to win the division.

Final: Rovers 4 Don Logan 9

Smith Lying Low Again

Frantic attempts by the media to obtain comment from former Rovers player Charlie Smith have been fruitless as Smith has gone to ground. "Charlie hasn't been heard from since the match" said Liz Pollock (pictured), the president of the Rovers supporters club and Spurs fanatic "we're not even sure if he is still coming to New Zealand to face the music". Smith as been known to "go bush" after a Pompey defeat but sources who did not wish to be named said he was unlikely to miss the opportunity to impose his personality on Wellington in a couple of weeks. "My Charlie is coming ready or not" said the anonymous source "he is just out celebrating the semi-final and final of the FA Cup as he knows who is going to win it". Wellington establishments have been warned of the impending arrival of Smith and extra Police will be on duty during Smith's stay.

In other news, Rovers take on Don Logan FC tomorrow at the Shed of Dreams with kick off at 1.30.

Pompey Will Whip Spurs

Former Rover Charlie Smith said today he expected Pompey to trounce Spurs this weekend and he would be sure to tell Supporters club president Liz Pollock all about it on his visit to Wellington in a couple of weeks. "Pompey are all class and will whip Spurs on the way to winning the FA Cup" said Smith from his Perth base "I'm already having a few beers in celebration and can't wait until we win the FA Cup as well". Smith confirmed he had still not been picked up by a Perth five a side team. "Unfortunately I never had the video of that five hundred metre volley I scored for Rovers" said Smith "so I've had to approach clubs on my personality alone and they don't seem to be grasping the opportunity in front of them". Smith said he would buy a round if Portsmouth beat Spurs by m,ore than ten. "We're not holding our breath on that one" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "a night out with Charlie generally lightens everyone elses pocket".

Rovers To Play Unbeaten Team

Zephyr Rovers next fixture will be against unbeaten Don Logan F.C after Haydens were surprisingly beaten by them in the latest round of matches. "Any team that beats Haydens must have a bit of quality in the ranks" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured} "Haydens won 20 - 3 the week before then lost to Don Logan F.C". Hall said the fact that the league allowed ten bonus points for paying an administration fee meant the league positions don't always reflect the wins a team has had". Hall said he wasn't planning anything special for the clash and said it was another league game that Rovers would be trying to win. "Our first goal is to make the top four and if we can achieve that we all know it all starts again at the knock out phase" said Hall "we've got off to a good start with three wins and have to play two of the teams we have beaten again in the run in to the finals so we're looking pretty good at present".

Chopper For Charity

In what Zephyr club Chairman this afternoon described as a "stunning act of charity", Colin 'Chopper' McIntosh has donated the proceeds of his testimonial to charity. "The club is not able to disclose exactly how much is involved because of the privacy act" said Chairman George Nash "but let's say it was at least as much as we expect Charlie Smith to be shouting when he is over here in April". McIntosh declined to comment saying he liked to keep financial matters to himself but said he never believed he would benefit himself from his testimonial and he was happy to do what he could to help those less fortunate than himself.

In other news, title contenders Haydens suffered a surprising defeat at the hands of Rovers next opponents Don Logan FC. "It's a big upset as Haydens won their first two games by miles" said Nash "so we really are up for a big match next Wednesday".

Sleep Deprived Cao KO's New Boots

Zephyr Rovers found themsleves in a tough first half battle this morning at the Shed of Dreams and had battled to a 2 - 2 deadlock when the referee called one minute to go until half time. "This is where we saw the benefits of sleep deprivation as John Cao (pictured) scored two great goals in the last minute to put us ahead at the break by 4 - 2" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "I'm thinking of keeping the whole team up next week if you can play like that without a decent kip". Hall said the second half went on for some time at 4 -2 before the New Boots team got one back after Matty Cantwell stayed up on the edge of the opposition area. "I was busy cursing Matty for his lack of tracking back when I noticed the opposition hadn't tracked back to cover him" said Hall "so after a quick delivery Matty did some sort of back heal flick thing and scored a marvelous goal to redeem himself". Hall said that seemed to break the opposition spirit and Rovers scored three more unanswered goals to romp home. "I don't know why Matty can't toe poke them in like George" said Hall "he has a touch of the extravagant about him at times".

Final: Rovers 8 New Boots 3

New Cao Kid

John Cao is not expected to get too much sleep before Zephyr's third round match tomorrow after the recent birth of a brand new daughter. "We'd expect he'll be getting about as much sleep as George was last year" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and we all remember how cranky George got". Hall said he was confident that Cao could handle the sleep deprivation for what has been confirmed as the testimonial match for Colin "Chopper" McIntosh. "I know John won't mind not having slept for three days when he becomes aware that all gate takings will be going to Chopper" said Hall "although he might well think he is hallucinating when he sees Chopper actually playing". Hall said he didn't know much about Deightons New Boots but he confirmed Rovers would be looking to stay at the top of the table. "We see ourselves as one of the gun teams in this league" said Hall "and unless we shoot ourselves we're expecting to take this one".

Birthday Boy

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he had no intentions of retiring just because he had reached another birthday milestone. "Sir Stanley Mathews (pictured) played professionally until he was 52 and I'm not even playing professionally at this point in time" said Hall "and I can let it be known that I'm not quite 52 either although it seems to get closer every day". Hall said he expected to spend the day quietly but would give himself a day free of the training ground. "I don't think I'll be doing any shuttles today" said Hall "it is more a day for chocolate cake really". Hall said with Rovers undefeated in the league he could afford to relax for twenty-four hours. "I bought myself Fifa 08 so looks like I'll be taking Port Vale to world domination" said Hall "I'm going to play against Glasgow Rangers and Pompey and kick their butts".

Rovers Too Talented

Zephyr Rovers demolished the Astronomically Talented team today at the Shed of Dreams. "We gave away a silly goal early on and I was wondering if the guys were tuned in" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but we went on with it from there and it was clear there was only one talented team on the pitch and it wasn't them". Hall said the highlight of the game was a bit of wizardry from George Nash (pictured) to set up a goal for John Cao. "George was voted four seasons in a row the player least likely to do something tricky" said Hall "but I guess watching Roberts and Cantwell gave him the idea to do a back heal". Hall said it was little wonder the opposition was fooled completely by the move. "I think even they'd figured out George doesn't play the tricky stuff" said hall "so really they had every other option covered but that one". Hall said it was too soon to say whether the move was a one of freakish event. "I'm sure George has been working on that on the training ground" said Hall "so we'll be expecting a bicycle kick next week". Not to be outdone Matty Cantwell chipped the keeper whilst keeping the ball under the regulation height as Rovers romped away to a big win.

Final: Rovers 13 Astronomically Talented 4

Astronomically Talented

Zephyr Rovers play the second match of the Division 2 championship tomorrow at the Shed of Dreams. "We're a bit thin on the numbers but we have Matty Cantwell (pictured) back to torment both the opposition and his own team mates" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and we'll be working hard on the morning to see he gets to the game". Hall said little was known about the talented outfit but Hall said every team could be a threat at this level. "We've never heard of this lot and we'd be expecting to do well" said Hall "but if we muck about and don't play our game then we'll be hurt". Hall confirmed he'd purchased Fifa 08 and been disappointed to find Rovers weren't featured in it. "The Phoenix are there but there seems to have been a balls up with regard the Rovers" said Hall "perhaps we're in Fifa Street instead".

Testimonial for Chopper

Zephyr Chairman George Nash says retired Rover Colin "Chopper" McIntosh (pictured) will be granted a testimonial match by the Rovers club. "It's conditional on Glasgow Rovers wanting to come over for a five aside match" said Nash "we're not just playing any old club". Nash said he'd written to Rangers from his hotmail account but had yet to have Rangers confirm they would be taking up the offer. "If Rangers don't deliver then we'll probably have a whip around when Charlie Smith is here" said Nash "and we're not expecting that to raise quite the same amount of money". Nash said it was uncertain if Rovers could drag McIntosh out of retirement for his testimonial. "I heard he seized up and is currently confined to his desk" said Nash "but we'll get him a zimmer frame if need be".

Smith Back

Former Rovers player Charlie Smith will hit Wellington on 10 April and says he is expecting to get a match for Rovers. "Pompey are going to win the FA Cup and I'm going to win a match for Zephyr Rovers" said Smith from his Perth residence "it will be just like the old days". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said that he wasn't sure Smith would be selected if he appeared as Rovers would be facing arch rivals Hayden's on that day. "I'm not sure Charlie still has what it takes" said Hall "in fact I'm not sure he ever had what it takes". Smith has invited former team mates out for a big night out on the town the following evening. "He'll be wanting everyone to buy him drinks as per usual" said Hall "we're expecting this to impact the attendance".

Slow Start Good Finish

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) said the dreaded slow start became a reality as Rovers slumped to a 2 - 1 deficit at half time of their Division 2 fixture at the Shed of Dreams. "We were attacking a fair bit but their keeper was keeping us at bay" said Hall "but the scoring opened when I got nutmegged and it is fair to say I wasn't happy that I let that happen". Hall said a half time talk steadied the ship. "I thought if we kept our game going we'd come home in the second half as we so often had before" said Hall "and has it happened we kept a clean sheet in the second half but got four against them" Hall said their was a maturity in the team that prevented panic and Rovers just plugged away at their business. "I wasn't overly troubled in the second half in goal and they were left at taking long range shots" said Hall "and we managed to knock a few in and get our noses ahead". Hall said it was great to get the campaign off with a win but said the match showed Division 2 would be no picnic.

Final: Rovers 5 West-I's 2

Intensity Needed

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said that Rovers would have to get over their 21 - 1 thrashing of Toitu Te Whenua if they were to compete well in their opening Division 2 fixture. "Let's face it they weren't a strong team and we're not going to face a team like that in Division 2" said Hall "if we don't lift our game a notch then we might find this first match a very tough assignment". Hall said little was known of the opposition The West-I's but they were certain to be competitive. "We've signed up Pete Roberts and we'll have Eddie Hussey (pictured) back in the team so I think we've got a strong line up" said Hall "hopefully we'll be able to turn out a consistent team regularly although we won't be seeing Matty Cantwell much if at all". Rovers kick off the season at the Shed of Dreams at 1 pm.

It's Division 2

With the return to eight team leagues Zephyr Rovers have been relegated to Division 2 for the forthcoming season. "We put ourselves at risk by finishing ninth after a string of upset results saw teams we had beaten overtake us" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall "so there are now team in Division 1 we beat but those crazy results just after Christmas saw them get ahead of us". Hall said it was a good chance to regroup and build a settled team again. "We suffered a bit from too many changes" said Hall "but obviously that 21 - 1 win was a boost to morale and we'll draft in Pete Roberts for the retiring Chopper". Hall said Division 2 would still be tough. "I recognise teams in this league have beaten us previously so it will be no picnic" said Hall "but we'll look to strengthen the team with a couple of Brazilians". Hall said the first match of the new season will be on Wednesday at the Shed of Dreams.