Cantwell Wants Alarm Clock

After failing to turn up to his fifth or sixth Rovers match Mystery Matt Cantwell has admitted he wants the club to buy him an alarm clock. Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed that they had got used to Cantwell's unreliability and confirmed he gets a surprise when he turns up. "I'm thinking of getting him an electronic bracelet with a global positioning system" said Hall "the idea is we could give him electric shocks remotely until he finds himself at the Shed of Dreams". Hall said they'd tried reminding Cantwell on the morning of the match but nothing seemed to work completely. "Matty has been known to arrive at matches after half time so you always wonder if he is coming late" said Hall "he's not a bad sub to have because once he arrives he always remembers what the ball looks like - so far". Hall said Rovers were looking for sponsorship for a permanent minder for Cantwell as "he may respond to a permanent flea in his ear" as nothing else seems to work.