Worst Day Of His Life

Charles Smith today said yesterday was the worst day of his life as he was forced to wear a Southampton shirt for the day after losing a bet with the brother of Chris Riddle. "I bet Pompey would finish higher in the Premier League than Scum" said a depressed Smith from his home in Western Australia "and of course I lost and had to wear this horrible shirt for a day that was made of some sort of cheap fabric". Smith said he had learned his lesson about betting on long shots and was hoping that Pompey fans wouldn't abandon him over the incident. "I'm worried I'll be banned from the local Perth Pompey supporters club" said Smith "it is the worst sin in the book to wear a scum shirt but I want everyone to know I didn't enjoy one second of it". Smith will no doubt make the same bet again next season so can look forward to ,more pain this time next year.

Smith Turns

Zephyr Rovers Australian Recruitment agent Charles Smith appears to have given up his life long support of Pompey and gone over to arch enemy Southampton. "We were surprised when these picture arrived and contained evidence that Charlie had gone over to the dark side" said Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but it does look like he has taken up support for the team he previously referred to as The Scum". Hall said experts had examined the photographs and declared they were genuine. "We're absolutely certain that these have not been produced in Photoshop" said Rovers Manager Hall "it looks like Smith has genuinely had a change of heart and abandoned his support for Pompey". Smith could not be contacted for comment.

Natelli Likes Candy

Former Rovers player Alex Natelli confessed this evening that his Division 9 club Toitu Te Whenua was chasing the signing of Craig Candy (pictured). "We just avoided finishing last in Division 8 last season and we think Craig would be good for our side" said Natelli "we're now in Division 9 and have started with a bang this season with a first up win". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said that Toitu Te Whenua could chase who they liked in his squad and if players wanted to go down to Division 9 then they probably weren't the right stuff. "I looked at one of their game recently and it's fair to say we aren't chasing any of their squad" said Hall "but I'm sure we'll hear if they acquire anyone with Division 1 qualities". Hall said every team had to start somewhere and Toitu Te Whenua should perhaps formulate a vision to be in Division 8 within ten years".

Jimmy Five Bellies

Jimmy Five Bellies went to the head of Division 1 today with an ominous 20 - 2 thrashing of Infinity. "I don't know the make up of the Infinity line up these days" said Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) "but they used to be a very strong side and it is hard to see how anyone put twenty goals past them". Rovers have never scored twenty goals in a game and statisticians might have to look over a few seasons results to find a time when this has happened in any league. "It looks disturbingly like these Five Bellies guys are pretty useful" said Hall "and we're only about three weeks away from playing them". Hall confirmed he was unavailable for the Five Bellies match and identifying a keeper for the match might have to be a priority. "I'm doing a management exam that day so I'll have to be thinking of the longer term future" said Hall "and I'll be hoping the team does better than Infinity". Rovers currently sit fourth after winning the opening match by default.

Big Splash Unlikely

Zephyr Rovers Chairman George Nash confessed this afternoon that Rovers didn't yet have the resources to splash out on players to bolster their Division 1 squad. "I've heard we've been linked with Rupert Ryan recently by the media" said Nash "but obviously I can neither confirm nor deny whether we're speaking to the lad". Rovers are rumoured to have limited funds to transfer players into the squad but have confirmed that a quality Division 1 standard player could force themselves into the squad. "We're not averse to being approached by a top quality player" said Nash "but the manager has also stated he is staying loyal to his current squad unless we get a huge beating". Zephyr Manager Steve Hall was unavailable for comment but is known to be looking at whether his squad could be bolstered by an additional squad member. "We're not expecting to make a big splash unless Charlie comes back and falls in the harbour" suggested Nash.

Cao Down In Bar

John Cao (pictured) today confirmed rumours that he had proposed to his partner Iona on Saturday. "I was going to go full out for the romantic angle in a hot air balloon in the Wairapapa" said Cao "but the weather was crap so I got down on one knee in a local bar". Rovers Chairman George Nash who himself has been on his knees in bars, said the Rovers club wished the couple all the best. "It's not known by everyone that Iona is the only female player ever to make an appearance for Rovers in a match" said Nash "and just quietly we were so impressed we almost dropped John on the spot and signed her up". Nash said he expected a performance dip from Cao for a few weeks after he formally got hitched but thought that it was something he'd eventually recover from. "My advice to him is to get the right balance between football and the rest of his life" said Nash "I'm sure he'll find that putting football first is rewarding".

Premier League

Former Rovers Player and Australian Recruitment agent Charlie Smith (pictured) called today for the Wellington Indoor Division 1 league to be renamed the Premier League. "No one call the top league Division 1 any more and I think the league should get a bit progressive" said Smith from his home in Perth "and then they could rename Division 2 to Division 1, which would make those guys feel better". Zephyr Chairman George Nash said the idea had merit and it was one the Scots had embraced years ago. "My club Rangers are in a premier league with Celtic and a few other teams I don't recall the name of" said Nash " and frankly I don't see why Indoor Sports shouldn't revisit the branding of the league and provide some decent prize money".

Smith also confirmed he'd being looking at talent in Perth but had yet to come up with a recommendation for Rovers. "The trouble is" said Smith "I've been looking at talent but the talent hasn't been looking at me".