Waterlogged

After five weeks on lovely summer weather, the climate turned to custard today just in time for Hall to celebrate his birthday. "I went out at lunch and it the rain was driving up my nostrils at five hundred kilometres an hour" said Hall "I could only be grateful we didn't have a match today as running over to the Shed of Dreams would quite possibly have caused terminal waterlogging". Hall said his body was standing up quite well to his advancing age. "I think I only have four injuries at the moment which is an outstanding effort" said Hall "but as my employer has an interest in injury prevention, I'd just like to confirm that all of these injuries are in my head". Hall confirmed he was working on an intensive injury prevention policy for the Rovers club. "I'm going to drop anyone from now on who walks with a limp" said Hall "so I strongly suggest the lads do regular wrist exercises to prevent being caught out by this new limp policy".

Hottenham Tottspurs

Zephyr Rovers Supporters Club president Liz Pollock (pictured) was tonight defending Television New Zealand for calling Tottenham Hotternam on the evening news bulletin. "It was a bit traumatic seeing Tottenham blow a two goal lead for the seven hundredth time in recent years, but I don't blame Television New Zealand for not knowing the name of the club" said Pollock "for in my view any publicity is better than the publicity a club like Glasgow Rangers get". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he wasn't getting involved in this discussion. "Port Vale aren't on television very often" said Hall "but at least no one is calling them Pole Vart or worse still Pole Fart".

Cakewalk

Zephyr Rovers marched past Division 5 Contact Fixed today to record their first win under the new brand. Zephyr Rovers Manager said his starting up named itself as only five players were available at kick off, although John Cao arrived a few minutes later. The established defensive pair of Hussey and White with keeper Hall barely let the opposition take a look at goal in the first half but Rovers took a while to get into their stride and were 1 - 0 up half way through the first half. But then the flood gates opened and Rovers were up five nil by half time and put another five in in the second half. "In honesty I don't see us getting as easy a game as this again for the rest of this season" said Manager Steve Hall "as although we played pretty well today with good passing, the opposition didn't really cover us as well as some other teams have". Hall said the danger with a big win is that Rovers might shoot straight into the higher echelons of lunch time football. "I think we should give Division 4 or 5 a try before we head off to blitz Division 1" said Hall. Hall said he had to acknowledge the performance of George Nash (pictured) today who put his head down and played football. "Looks like he's starting to get some match fitness" said Hall "and Rangers had a nice win over Celtic which no doubt made his day".

Final Score:
Zephyr Rovers 10 Contact Fixed 0

Messi Lesson

Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall sharpened his managerial tactics this morning by watching the big match of the day between Real Madrid and Barcelona. "What a stunner of a game that was" said Hall "and Real Madrid provided some valuable lessons of what not to do at the end of a game where you have an extra man and are winning 3 -2 with a minute to go" Hall said Real could have sewn up the game by heading for the corner flag but lost the ball and got stung with virtually the last kick of the game and a great goal to Messi (pictured). "We've been hurt by last minute goals before ourselves so we feel their pain" said Hall "and we even play a bit messy ourselves on occasion". Hall said he'd just heard from former Rovers player Charlie Smith in Perth who was celebrating a Southampton loss to Stoke. "It's great that Charlie is still able to celebrate a win at the expense of poor Chris Riddle" said Hall "it just shows you the Rovers brotherhood stretches across the planet now".

Board Backs Manager

"The Board has every confidence in the Manager" said Chairman Nash after an emergency meeting to discuss selection policy. "I'm pleased the board backs me a 100%" said Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) "and I'd just like to say I look forward with working with the Chairman to bring home another trophy for the Rovers". Hall said it was back to business now and his thoughts were focused on how to get the first win on the board as Zephyr against very highly rated Division 5 opposition. "To be honest I haven't been able to find any video of our opposition Contact Fixed" said Hall "but they came third in the league behind our old friend Matt Is Mad". Hall said he'd be sticking to his usual formula for this match which would see the debut of Craig Candy in the Rovers shirt". "We've got a strong team out for this one so it will be a good test of how well we'll go in a higher division" said Hall.

Selection Crisis

Zephyr Rovers almost fell off the rails today when intense discussions occurred over the method of selecting the team for each match. Chairman Nash said he had a new and improved selection method over that previously used successfully by the club. "I came up with a formula that seemed fairer to me" said Nash "and I suggest it is an improvement on the exisiting method where Manager Hall selects the team". Hall (pictured) said the proof of the existing selection method was in the two trophies that were already in the trophy cabinet. "Why mess with success" said Hall " we've had three successful seasons using the present selection method and it wins trophies". Hall said there were rumours that Rovers were destined for Divison 5 this season and Hall commented that he hoped he retained the confidence of his Chairman to manage the club as he saw fit.

Auer Gets Credit

Controversy swirled around the Zephyr Rovers camp this afternoon when Andy Auer claimed credit for the equaliser against Bombers. "I was hurt when I read in the media that Ben White had scored the winner against my old club" said a clearly distraught Auer "I figure I finally get my chance in the limelight and it is robbed from me by misreporting". Zephyr Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he wasn't at the match due to his dodgey back, but believed the scorer had be wrongly identified by Chairman Nash in dispatches. "I think George got a wee bit excited being at the helm in my absence" said Hall "you know what the Scottish can be like at football matches". Hall said he was pleased to put the record straight and had heard Auer had had a stunner of a match. "I think we can give Andy Man Of The Match after the fact" said Hall.